Body electric

We've been scowering all my poetry books for good wedding readings. Yeats, Heaney, HD, Gertrude Stein, Paul Durcan, Elizabeth Bishop. Nothing is ringing true. The best best so far is an edited collection of lesbian works (duh) in "Chloe Plus Olivia." Though we did find a great Whitman piece which, unfortunately, we can't justify reading at the ceremony with a straight face. Maybe we could assign it to someone else.

O HYMEN! O HYMENEE
by: Walt Whitman (1819-1892)
HYMEN! O hymenee! why do you tantalize me thus?
O why sting me for a swift moment only?
Why can you not continue? O why do you now cease?
Is it because if you continued beyond the swift moment you would soon certainly kill me?

Take notes

Swiped from a Powell's bookstore Web site, I've discovered my next pre-wedding required reading: The Commitment by Dan Savage.

Publisher comments:
The true story of a marriage (not really), a lovable and relentless mother, a six-year-old who says his parents cannot get married (but wants to go to the reception), a partner who doesn't want to act like a straight person, and the author, who has written a hilarious and poignant memoir about making "The Commitment."
There is no hotter issue than gay marriage in the culture-war debate, and Dan Savage, one of America's most outspoken and beloved columnists, takes it on and makes it personal in this rollicking memoir of coming to terms with the very public act of marriage. What he discovers will make readers — gay or straight, right or left, single or married — howl with laughter as well as rethink their notions of marriage and all that it entails.

Review:
"The author of the internationally syndicated column 'Savage Love' brings much-needed humor, and a reality check, to the bitter gay-marriage debate with this polemical memoir. As Savage (Skipping Towards Gomorrah) and his boyfriend, Terry, neared their 10th anniversary, Savage's mother put on the pressure for them to get married. But, Savage notes, there were several other points to consider before deciding to tie the knot: among them, the fact that marriage doesn't provide legal protection in Washington State; Terry prefers tattoos as a sign of commitment; and their six-year-old son declared that only men and women can get married. Furthermore, Savage himself worried that the relationship would be jinxed by anything more permanent than a big anniversary bash, though the one they plan quickly assumes the proportions and price of a wedding reception. While documenting the couple's wobble toward a decision, Savage skewers ideologues, both pro — and anti — gay marriage, with his radical pragmatism. Disproving Tolstoy's dictum that 'happy families are all alike,' he takes a sharp-eyed, compassionate look at matrimony as it is actually practiced by friends, his raucously affectionate family and even medieval Christians. When he explains to his son what marriage is really about, you want to stand up and cheer, and the surprise ending is both hilarious and a tear-jerker. As funny as David Sedaris's essay collections, but bawdier and more thought-provoking, this timely book shows that being pro-family doesn't have to mean being anti-gay. (Sept.)" Publishers Weekly (Starred Review) (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)

Antsy pansy

We leave Thursday for Cape Cod to meet with our wedding planning, reserve the ceremony site, find a caterer, etc. But already, the meeting is consuming most of my mind. This is a bad sign, considering the Big Date is more than 10 months off. I hope this condition doesn't worsen.

To use some of this nervous energy, I am going to consult my gay and lesbian wedding guide to see what I'm supposed to be doing at this time.

1. Decide what traditional wedding customs you'd like to include or exclude -- cake, vows, first dances, etc. If you are wearing a gown, start shopping now.
2. Compile a list of vendors -- caterers, florists, photographers -- compare prices and narrow down your search.
3. Make sure everyone knows you're gay.

Hmm. Looks like big stuff and bigger stuff.

It seems I am on the right track. My to-do list today includes compiling our Internet research on food and flowers so we can present them to the wedding planner dude. I also plan to create some sort of budget database so we can track our spending.

As for the gay thing, I think we're in the clear. It's just breaking the ceremony news that we've been lax about. I don't think Kelley is going to tell her brood (Allison excluded) until the last moment to prevent anyone from "raining on our parade." The only person left on my end is my dad, and he will be fine. He'll probably be more worried that I am going to ask him for money. (Not yet dad, but maybe for the artificial insemination. Just kidding!)

Oh la la wedding hair. 

Fight club

Look out Bridezilla, Kelley and I had our first fight about the wedding -- just a week short of the 10-month countdown.

I requested she stop telling our friends how much we are paying for things lest we come off as cheap (when, in fact, we are trying to be frugal). She shot back that I should stop spilling the beans on the blog and allow for more surprise (which I think is bunk; who is memorizing everything I type). Then she said I was being snob. Well!

Now we're having a beer and making up our mock wedding dinner menu. We're in much more agreement about food. (Cue Kelley with her calculator imitating Steve Martin in Father of the Bride, "$250 a head!")

After shots

Another shot in the running for our engagement photo.

Bride inside

An example of vows we will not say, by Marty Blase and inspired by Dr. Seuss.

Pastor: Will you answer me right now These questions, as your wedding vow?

Groom: Yes, I will answer right now Your questions as my wedding vow.

Pastor: Will you take her as your wife? Will you love her all your life?

Groom: Yes, I take her as my wife, Yes, I'll love her all my life.

Pastor: Will you have, and also hold Just as you have at this time told?

Groom: Yes, I will have, and I will hold, Just as I have at this time told, Yes, I will love her all my life As I now take her as my wife.

Pastor: Will you love through good and bad? Whether you're happy or sad?

Groom: Yes, I'll love through good and bad, Whether we're happy or sad, Yes, I will have and I will holdJust as I have already told, Yes, I will love her all my life,Yes, I will take her as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love her if you're rich? Or if you're poor, and in a ditch?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her if we're rich, And I will love her in a ditch, I'll love her through good times and bad, Whether we are happy or sad, Yes, I will have, and I will hold(I could have sworn this has been told!) I promise to love all my life This woman, as my lawful wife!

Pastor: Will you love her when you're fit,And also when you're feeling sick?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her when we're fit, And when we're hurt, and when we're sick, And I will love her when we're rich And I will love her in a ditch And I will love through good and bad, And I will love when glad or sad, And I will have, and I will hold Ten years from now a thousandfold, Yes, I will love for my whole life This lovely woman as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love with all your heart? Will you love till death you part?

Groom: Yes, I'll love with all my heart From now until death do us part, And I will love her when we're rich, And when we're broke and in a ditch, And when we're fit, and when we're sick, (Oh, CAN'T we get this finished quick?) And I will love through good and bad, And I will love when glad or sad, And I will have, and I will hold, And if I might now be so bold, I'll love her my entire life, Yes, I WILL take her as my wife!

Pastor: Then if you'll take her as your wife, And if you'll love her all your life, And if you'll have, and if you'll hold, From now until the stars grow cold, And if you'll love through good and bad,And whether you're happy or sad, And love in sickness, and in health, And when you're poor, and when in wealth, And if you'll love with all your heart, From now until death do you part, Yes, if you'll love her through and through, Please answer with these words:

Pastor and Groom: I DO!

Pastor: You're married now! So kiss the bride, But please, do keep it dignified.

September 14, 2005

We still can't commit legally in Mass. because we're from out-of-state. But we are going anyway in homage to the legal battle and out of nostalgia for our early romantic weekends there.

Mass. rejects amendment that would ban gay marriage
BOSTON (AP) — Both sides along the gay marriage divide have vowed to continue their fight a day after the state Legislature soundly defeated a proposed constitutional amendment seeking to ban same-sex marriage.
Gay marriage supporters rejoice in Boston's Statehouse with state Sen. Jarrett Barrios, second from left, Wednesday.
The vote means Massachusetts will remain the only state in the nation to allow same-sex couples to wed — for now.
A year after lawmakers appeared destined to undo a court order that has allowed thousands of same-sex couples to marry since May 17, 2004, the Legislature voted 157-39 against the proposed constitutional amendment Wednesday.
Lawmakers were required to approve it in two consecutive sessions before the proposal could move to the statewide ballot in 2006 for a final decision by voters. The measure, which would have allowed Vermont-style civil unions, won passage by a 105-92 last year.
But the political and social landscape had changed dramatically since then.
Gone was the intensity, the seemingly endless debate and, in some quarters, the taste for stripping away the right to marry for gay and lesbian couples.
"Gay marriage has begun, and life has not changed for the citizens of the commonwealth, with the exception of those who can now marry," said state Sen. Brian Lees, a Republican who had been a co-sponsor of the amendment. "This amendment which was an appropriate measure or compromise a year ago, is no longer, I feel, a compromise today."
The moment the vote was announced, cheers erupted from the gay marriage supporters who watched the proceedings from the House chamber's public gallery.
"We have a lot of work ahead of us, but today we celebrate," Democrat Sen. Jarrett Barrios, an openly gay lawmaker, told the cheering crowd.
The proposal also was opposed by critics of gay marriage, who want to push for a more restrictive amendment that would ban both gay marriage and civil unions. The earliest that initiative could end up on the ballot is 2008.
"We're excited. We're pumped. This is great. This is exactly what we wanted," said Kris Mineau, president of the Massachusetts Family Institute.
The state's highest court ruled in November 2003 that same-sex couples had a right under the state constitution to marry. Now, more than 6,100 couples gay and lesbian couples have been wed in Massachusetts, though officials have barred out-of-state couples from getting married here.
Within a year of the first Massachusetts marriages, 11 states pushed through constitutional amendments banning gay marriage, joining six others that had done so earlier.
The Connecticut Legislature approved civil unions in April, joining Vermont in creating the designation that creates the same legal rights as marriage without calling it such. Earlier this month, California lawmakers passed a measure legalizing same-sex marriage, though Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has promised to veto it.

One brain

OK, so apparently when Kelley expressed glee over a family portrait with Judy I imagined that she was imagining us all wearing matching turtlenecks -- and I shuddered. She claims that she was neither imagining turtlenecks nor said anything about them in jest. But now that I've brought them up, I imagine she likes the idea.

Dear Kati

I never said ANYTHING about turtlenecks. You're a goof.

Butchie

Kelley is so cute.

While I was at an education conference on Sunday, she used our newly connected cable modem (now I can post more often!) to do a Google search for "women's tuxedos." She didn't find anything, but I think she is adorable for looking.

Also, she's stuck on the idea that we should shoot some pictures before the wedding -- though I don't think we should see each other before the ceremony. She's volunteered to take all the photos blindfolded. Us on the beach, her blindfolded. Us in the secret garden, her blindfolded. At first I thought that sounded corny, but I'm warming up to the idea.

And on the topic of pictures, Brenna has volunteered to shoot an engagement photo of us as a couple or with the dog. Kelley wants the three of us (that's me, her and Judy) to wear coordinating turtle necks and sit under a tree at the park. This worries me a bit. We'll see.

Wedding readings

Research has commenced on what to read at the wedding. I found a few excerpts on an About.com site -- now I have to read the original works.

We both like this bit from "The Irrational Season" by Madeleine L'Engle.
To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. ... If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession but participation.

I feel obliged to somehow incorporate Sappho. This fragment for example.
Love holds me captive again
and I tremble with bittersweet longing

When our high priestess, MaryJoan, convenes the ceremony and defines our commitment, I'm thinking something from the Massachusetts Supreme Court Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall would be good.
Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity and family. ... Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition.

Say cheese!

We've lined up a friend to shoot our wedding. She is a commercial photographer. Check out some of her work at www.brennawelsh.com. None of her weddings are posted, but the portraits show her keen eye.

My mom and I at the rehearsal dinner.

David, Daniel, Becky, me and Eric. 

Got groom?

This is my brother, David, with the maids. I am on the far left. My sister, Becky, is on the far right.