Positive feedback

My brother and his fiancee are getting married in the church, so I wasn't sure how they would react to our news. Michele, recently featured in bridal shower postings and pics, sent these kind words recently:

"I don't know if we remembered to say it on Mother's Day, but congratulations on your official engagement. I love seeing two people in love with each other and ready to take that next step!"

Gave me a good boost.

Legal aid

Holding a civil marriage in Mass. won't afford us any legal rights.

Kelley won't automatically inherit my hand-painted, German bookshelf -- or even our dog -- if I die. I won't be able to make medical decisions if she becomes incapacitated later this week when she undergoes outpatient surgery. A hospital visit may also be denied.

Fortunately, there are Web sites that provide all the information and forms needed to cement our relationship in the eyes of the law.

I recently downloaded power of attorney and living will forms from Illinois Legal Aid Online, and it looks like a visit to the office and/or a notary public can make them official. Find them at www.illinoislegalaid.org.

Also of note is the Civil Foundation, which defines itself as a "membership organization devoted to helping committed unmarried couples establish and protect rights and privileges enjoyed by married people." Find it at www.civilfoundation.org.

The movement in Chicago is toward recognizing our relationship whether we are "married" or not.

Kelley just got a job with Cook County, which grants health insurance to domestic partners. We registered the first day it was offered, Oct. 1, 2004.

Her doctor requested my presence Tuesday so we could get the results of some medical tests together. He also sought her permission to release medical information to me if need be.

Flower powers

Sweet peas with natural stems are delicate and
beautiful, while the lily is overdone. I concede that
point after a Google search turned up hundreds of
lily wedding bouquets and basically no sweet pea
bouquets (unless they were paired with lilies).

If I were to be a flower, however, I would still pick
a lily. A long, cool drink.

Free advice

We escaped to Wisconsin for the weekend and met up with Moira and Mike, two of our longtime friends. Kelley and I had just started dating when I went to their wedding five years ago, but Moira and I go farther back -- to the University of Iowa, the Daily Iowan, the Deadwood and Joe's cup night.

M-n-M have impeccable taste, and their celebration was quaint and personal. My favorite part was when they exited the country church to Mike's brother (a former flight attendant) clanking away "When I'm 64" on the piano. A Pogues coverband had the guests dancing all night.

Certainly there were mishaps. My camera was stolen, and I insulted a girl by talking about pubic hair at dinner. But hey, I was at my best friend's wedding. Who had time to keep track of electronics or manners?

Moira has agreed to be our sounding board for taste and to the impart lessons to be learned from their evening. First off, she recommends not letting people get trashed before dinner. (Hence the camera being stolen and pubic hair being a hot topic.) Second, she says I should shuttle my lust for cala lilies in favor of sweet peas. Lilies, says the former florist, are over done.

Softball wisdom

Funniest thing overheard running by Wicker Park on Sunday during a 16-inch softball game: The only sure thing about marriage is you are going to get divorced.

White picket fence

This is the inn we want to check out for the ceremony.
http://www.secretgardenptown.com/index.html

Shower envy

The lasting effect of attending Michele's shower is that now I want my own. I want to be tested on relationship trivia, so much so that I made Kelley quiz me with questions cribbed from the Internet on Saturday night. Nice way to celebrate the fifth anniversary of our first, ahem, date. Note to self: Kelley's favorite food is chicken wings, and her toothbrush is white.

Two details crucial for my shower were absent from Michele's. Liquor and lingerie.

If I was Marlene Dietrich, this would be our invite.

Michele's shower

Bridal showers are not high on my list of uber-exciting events. But my sister did a nice job organizing the party for my soon-to-be sister-in-law. At one point, over coffee, Michele's granny announced she hadn't had her period in 30 years. It was part of a game where the ladies competed to see who had the most stuff in her purse. I got points for OB. Granny did not. My mother was the only woman to have handiwipes in her purse; unfortunately for all involved, they were Summer's Eve.

Pics are at http://www.michelesshower.blogspot.com/.

Bridal shower guests.

Running away brides

Couples who train together, stay together -- I hope. KQ and I signed up for a virtual marathon training program that will put us on the lakefront every Saturday morning before the sun rises this summer to clock six to 20 miles.

We are not committed to running the marathon, but we want to try the Chicago Distance Classic half-marathon in August. I did it last year with Kelley as my loverly cheering section. Now she is two steps behind me on the pavement yelling, "Slow down!"

Our wedding planner guide suggested hiring a personal trainer one year before the nuptials. If we remain injury-free, this running kick could get us to the big day sans gym.

Our totem animal

My mother says had Kelley and I planned ahead, we would be holding the wedding this summer on Martha's Vineyard to coincide with the 30th anniversary of "Jaws" -- not next summer in Cape Cod to coincide with my 30th birthday. She suggests I walk down the aisle to the movie theme. Dum dum, dum dum, dum dum. I think that could still work if we do a beach wedding.

Anarchist guest book

Pope condemns gay marriages as fake and anarchic
Reuters
Jun. 6, 2005 - Pope Benedict, in his first clear pronouncement on gay marriages since his election, on Monday condemned same-sex unions as fake and expressions of "anarchic freedom" that threatened the future of the family.
The Pope, who was elected in April, also condemned divorce, artificial birth control, trial marriages and free-style unions, saying all of these practices were dangerous for the family.
"Today's various forms of dissolution of marriage, free unions, trial marriages as well as the pseudo-matrimonies between people of the same sex are instead expressions of anarchic freedom which falsely tries to pass itself off as the true liberation of man," he said.
The Pope spoke to families at Rome's St. John's Cathedral on an issue that has become highly controversial around the world, particularly in Europe and the United States.
In April, parliament in traditionally Catholic Spain gave initial approval to a law legalizing gay marriage. It is widely expected to be approved by the Senate and to become law.
Gay marriages are already legal in several European countries.
However, just last week, California's Assembly killed off a bill that would have allowed gay marriage in the most populous U.S. state. U.S. President Bush favors a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriages.
The Pope, who as Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger headed the Vatican's doctrinal department for more than two decades, said "pseudo freedoms" such as gay marriages were based on what he called the "banalisation of the human body" and of man himself.
Aurelio Mancuso, president of Arcigay, Italy's largest gay rights group, hit back at the Pope. "Ratzinger pretends not to understand that gay unions are no threat to heterosexual marriages," he said in a statement.

Northern likes

We were going to keep the wedding guest list small, but results of a recent survey show we should invite the entire country of Canada.

Leger Marketing polled 1,507 Canadians in May and found most adults there would have no problem attending a same-sex marriage ceremony.

Sixty-three per cent of respondents said they would show up for a gay wedding, while 28 per cent would refuse the invitation. (Nine percent said they would only show up if there was ice fishing.)

Over the past two years, the courts in eight Canadian provinces have permitted legal same-sex marriages.

Last December, Canada's Supreme Court ruled in favor of allowing the federal government to go ahead with a proposal to legalize same-sex marriage because the constitution protects the rights of homosexual partners to formalize their bonds.

Presents, for me?

So here is something unexpected. Twice I've let potential guests know that we don't expect gifts or a wedding shower because we want people to fund their own trips to P-town. And twice the potential guests have balked.

When I told my sister about the nuptials she seemed a tiny perturbed that she would have to organize another bridal shower since she's coordinating the fest for our soon-to-be sister-in-law. Then she seemed a tiny bit hurt when I told her we didn't want a shower because we'd rather people spend money on plane tickets. Which is better, put out or put upon?

My pal and college newspaper editor, Heather, questioned our decision not to register for gifts. People like her, she said, would buy us gifts no matter what. She advised us to register anyway so as to avoid getting 20 fajita makers. I told her we were truly enforcing the no-kid rule, but that exceptions will be made for presents. However, I feel like registering and saying no gifts is sending a mixed message.

Heather did offer a good compromise. She suggested we set up a honeymoon or travel account. People who want to give can write a check to the account. That way, they satisfy their urge to spend and we have something cool that won't hog our limited shelf space.