Lawyers, trash

I remember the third thing we're supposed to do this month: research same-sex marriage laws in our state. I've already done this, so I'm taking the next step and looking for an attorney to guide us through the legal papers we need to sign to make this thing for real. If I die, I want to make sure Kelley inherits the plastic tubs I call "memory boxes." They are full of greeting cards, photos and other important items -- such as big rocks from our family's Irish homestead and the first phone number I ever received on a matchbook. I'm sure she'll be able to tell their importance just be looking at them.

11 months and counting

I reviewed what the wedding planner countdown calendar had to say for today, 11 months until the wedding. There were three things, but I can only remember two.
1. Do anything from the 12-months list that you haven't done.
2. Decide if and how you want to incorporate religion into the ceremony.

Kelley also made contact with Tom and Abe at the Secret Garden Inn. Tom is a veteran party planner (though you could argue that encompasses most 40-something fags, but hey) and will sit down with us at the end of the month to review ceremony and catering ideas.

We're also meeting with our friends Brenna and Nate on Thursday night to talk photography. Brenna is a commercial photog and is willing to work out a contract with us.

And Kelley is off to Elmira, NY, for Labor Day where she will connect with veteran friend, Mary Joan, to discuss how she will preside over the ceremony.

Plans are in motion.

Recap

My brother's wedding was the best of times and the worst of times.

He and Michele chose a idyllic Presbyterian church for the ceremony and the Radisson hotel for dinner and dancing. Nearly 200 members of our extended families were in attendance. Pastor Bob, the religious leader with whom they did intensive premarital counseling, presided. There were two nontraditional twists: they couple wrote their own vows and they had their own siblings or friends, regardless of gender, stand up for them. That meant David had me, my sister, her boyfriend and my other brother. Michele had her sister, two girlfriends and her brother-in-law.

The bride had her hair done up in ringlets like Shirley Temple and wore a strapeless dress embroidered with flowers and sparkles. She cried all the way down the aisle and those who kept it together during their promises to each other lost it when they lit a unity candle and presented roses to their parents one-by-one.

The most amazing thing about the ceremony was the way my brother grew in my eyes in the span of two minutes. He started the ceremony as the little guy (even though he's bigger than me) who I bossed around, the kid whose finger I tried to cut off in a pencil sharpener, the one who believed me when I said liquid soap burned and that bar soap tasted like his favorite food.

But his vows showed a maturity and eloquence that I never expected. To paraphrase, he went through all the reasons he suspects people think he loves Michele. Then he explained the real reasons. There was nothing superficial about them. He transformed into a man right before my eyes. I was incredibly proud and a glad I never poisoned or dismembered him.

So that was the best of times.

The worst of times begins with this recipe: an emotional mother, two Xanex, at least three glasses of wine, a messy divorce and a multitude of in-laws. It ends with a bawling mother who had to be assisted to our hotel room and stashed in a rollaway bed before the mother-son dance ever began. It gives me reason to drink Or think.

I have to give props to Kelley. She is a pro when it comes to handling these bewildering family encounters. I tend to back off and watch like its a dysfunctional family movie. But she jumps into action and douses fires before they get out of control. That ability makes me love her all the more. She understands me and my family and just what to do to help it all.

So, not to get too morose, I must review the highlight reel. There's my Roseanne-shaped aunts bumping busts together on the dance floor. There they are again imitiating Kelley doing the "butterfly" dance move. There's Kelley and I re-enacting the aborted lift during the Dirty Dancing theme song. There was my brother and Michele walking into the reception to the Star Wars soundtrack. Hey, my stoner brother gave a kind of moving best man toast. And wow, did my grandparents just invite themselves to our Provincetown ceremony? Did I catch the bride's bouquet? Did she throw it right to me? And just where in the hell is my digital camera?

Bowled over

Just now recovering from my brother's bachelor party. He had a co-ed affair at Pheasant Lanes in Bloomington, with his siblings and friends. It was pretty clean, if you don't mind a busty lady made in frosting on a cookie cake and sexy lady temporary tattoos. (I just washed a Marcia Cross lookalike off my arm today.) David had a Betty Page girl on his forearm and after a couple drinks wrote WWJD above her so he wouldn't have to wash it off before going to church this morning.

The plan for my bachelorette party is to repeat a past performance at a T-dance bra party in Provincetown. I'm going to dance on a box until I fall down. But this time, I'll try not to land in the lap of a woman in a wheelchair.

Mission impossible

Funniest thing overheard at a bachelorette party, as stated my the exasperated mother of the bride.

"Tomorrow she'll probably have me tying bows around bubbles."

Ketchup

Two new developments to report.

Kelley is NOT going to cc me on her communication with the ex-girlfriend, so before the season began, ex files has been canceled.

And Allison, Kelley's sister, found this blog when a teacher referred her to Blogger for an assignment. How funny it must be to find pictures of yourself on the web. At least she's dressed. Hi Allison!

Ex files

I am anxiously awaiting Kelley's ex-file -- an email exchange between her and a past girlfriend, the one who calls every six months to see if the feelings are still there. I hope to post it later today.

No advice

I asked Kelley if we should consider pre-marital counseling.

"Don't get all L Word on me," she said.

Family tied

The Quinns have left Chicago. In their wake they left four positive notes.

1. Allison, who studying to be an art teacher, took the news of the wedding about the same as if we told her we were ordering pizza for dinner. "OK, cool."

2. I won over Kelley's six-year-old niece, Kacey, by wearing cowgirl boots. She held my hand everywhere we went and called me Miss Kati.

3. Aforementioned Kacey asked if Kelley and I were sisters. Kelley's brother, Brian, responded by saying, "That would be really weird."

4. Aforementioned Brian discounted my criticism of their critical sibling relationship (they rip on each other for getting saggy neck skin and the like) by saying it was OK and that I didn't have to defend anyone. "You're a Quinn," he said.

(Check out funny pictures from their visit on our photo album link.)

Our engagement photo. 

Pet parade

This might be more appropriate.

Puppy love

I would love Judy to be our ring bearer, but I'm afraid she would jump on my dress.
http://www.advantagebridal.com/ladogweripi.html

Two tuxes

If I were butch.

Two gowns

If Kelley were femme.

Grand belles

Nice wedding announcement this week in the Windy City Times.

Dawn Rescigno and Angela DeBello exchanged vows June 4 in a private ceremony in Lake Geneva, Wisc. Lisa Tonna, Priestess of the Goddess, served as the ceremony celebrant, creating a sacred circle in which family members and friends called in the four elements of earth, air, water and fire and participated in a candle lighting ritual signifying the love shared by the couple. Tonna’s own life partner, Avis Jamison, served as ring guardian; longtime friends of the couple, Minnie Rinaldo and Teresa Stiel, shared sentiments from the heart during the ceremony. Additionally, folk singer Deidre McCalla performed her ballad “Blessings” and the Cowboy Junkies’ “Anniversary Song”. Poet C.C. Carter also performed a special rendition of her work “There is A Spirit” during the ceremony, which took place on the Grand Belle yacht on Geneva Lake.
Seventy-five family members and friends witnessed the ceremony, which was a milestone of the couple’s 10 years together. After the ceremony, guests enjoyed a sunset cruise, dinner and dancing aboard the yacht.
A celebratory brunch was held the next day at a country inn. The newlyweds wish to thank their family and friends for the unconditional support that made their special weekend possible. The couple resides in Chicago.

Tell all

Kelley hasn't told any of her family about our wedding plans yet which made for a couple funny moments at dinner last night. Her sister is in town for the weekend, and we went out for dinner with friends who -- reasonably -- forgot that we're being all weird about telling our folks and siblings. Twice -- once before we reminded them and once after -- they asked excitedly about how the ceremony planning was going. Their questions were met with silence.

It is as though we're coming out all over again, facing the same conflicted feelings and swallowed sentences. Everyone knows we are gay and are more and less OK with it. But there is something hard still about the "gay wedding" talk. Maybe it is because of the cultural debate that's raging about it now. Or maybe it is that we don't want to test their tolerance.

Anyway, Miss Alison will get the talk today. We'll see if the news is harder on the messenger or the receiver.

Slurp

How about a cold cuppa to start things off?
CHILLED SOUPS
Gazpacho
Spanish summer soup made with tomatoes, cucumbers and red onion
Blueberry Soup
Fresh blueberries accented with lemon and cinnamon
Cucumber Avocado Yogurt Soup
Cucumber and avocado blended with herbed yogurt
Curried Cantaloupe Soup
Ripe melon blended with curry spices and sparkling apple cider

Eat me I'm Betty

Ginger Betties from Clem & Ursie's.

We're not country club dykes ...

... but we could be in California.

California's highest court ruled Monday that country clubs must offer gay members who register as domestic partners the same discounts given to married ones — a decision that could apply to other businesses such as insurance companies and mortgage lenders.
The decision by the California Supreme Court threw out a policy at the Bernardo Heights Country Club in San Diego that allowed the children, grandchildren and spouses of married members to golf for free.
Birgit Koebke, 48, an avid golfer who pays about $500 a month in membership fees, and her longtime gay partner, Kendall French, challenged the policy after being told that French could only play as a guest six times a year while paying up to $70 per round.
"This is a great victory for California families," Koebke said. "Kendall and I are one step closer to being able to play golf at Bernardo Heights on an equal basis."
The court ruled that the policy constitutes "impermissible marital status discrimination."
-- Washington Blade

Sample menus

Clem & Ursie's is our top catering option. Here are two sample menus from their Web site, http://www.clemandursies.com/catering.shtml

WEDDING DINNER
Lobster Salad on Cumber Rounds
Fresh Figs with Rosemary–Goat Cheese Filling
Mixed Baby Greens
Roast Pork Loin
Baked Stuffed Scallops
Sweet Potato and White Potato au Gratin
Roasted Ratatouille
White Chocolate Wedding Cake with Marinated Strawberries

RAW BAR TASTING PLATTERS
Wellfleet Oysters, Cherrystones and Super Jumbo Shrimp are delivered pre-shucked in chilled containers along with ceramic platters. Condiments such as cocktail sauce, fresh lemon, horseradish, wasabi, pickled ginger, and select bottled hot sauces accompany this platter.

Also of note, an interview with former poet laurete Robert Pinsky in the Cape Cod Times mentions our possible wedding caterer.

Q. How long have you been coming to Provincetown? What is it about this place? What was your best poem you wrote here?

A: I am no old-timer: I first came to Provincetown in March of 1980, when Brendan Gill and I were visiting artists at the Fine Arts Work Center. I remember hilarious nights with Brendan and some of the Fellows at the time: Cleopatra Mathis, Denis Johnson, Bruce Smith, Tom Sleigh among them. Also, convivial late breakfasts at Napi's.
The title poem of The Want Bone goes back to those days. Tom Sleigh has actually given me the wonderful present of the shark's mouth bones described in the poem.
I can't pretend to understand the recipe that makes one fall in love with the place. It's not very original to imagine that the sea, the light, the dunes, the Portuguese, the gay people, the artists, the food, the isolation, the wind all have to do with it. Americans like the word "freedom" or the abstract notion of it: Provincetown abounds in actual examples.
Maybe it's just Norman Mailer and Clem & Ursie's.

More flower ideas

theprovincetownflorist.com

No evidence

I was hoping to post pictures of my birthday extravaganza today but some time between smoking two hookahs and ordering a dozen "easy" shots, I lost track of my camera. Good thing it was disposable.

12 month countdown

This is what our wedding planner by David Toussaint says we need to knock off 12 months before the ceremony:

1. Purchase wedding planner. Check. (Thanks Steve!)
2. Determine budget. Check.
3. Think about style of wedding, including size, place and attendants. Check.
4. Set the date. Duh, check.
5. Mail save-the-date cards if you're having a long-distance wedding or are marrying over a holiday weekend. We are saving this until October, after we meet with our potential wedding planner dude out at the potential wedding site in Provincetown. But everybody already has an idea of when the nuptials are taking place, so I think we're okay.
6. Book ceremony and reception sites. Waiting until October, but we've checked and they are available.
7. Make a wish list of wedding must-haves. Call now if you've got your heart set on that fabulous florist or cool rock band. Hmm. I don't think I have any wedding must-haves. So, check!
8. Join a gym. I am going to continue running outside until it gets cold and then I'm joining a gym, perhaps with Kelley so we can sweat together. Our summer of training got sidetracked by her surgery.

My add-ons:

9. Try on dress again to make sure it fits.
10. Think about what food I can eat at the wedding that won't make me look fat in my dress.

Are we having fun yet?

My love is like a roller coaster baby baby ...

The Superman roller coaster is coming to a stop. Kelley and I are hanging in our seats, bellies parallel to the ground as though we are flying crime fighters. But we aren't crime fighters. We are terrified, aching sacks of flesh that want to get off this terrible machine and see a chiropractor or a bartender or both.

My 29th birthday has come and gone, officially launching the one year countdown to our ceremony of commitment. To start of the weekend on a corporeal note, we went to the Body Worlds exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry. There we learned what our lungs and livers will look like if we continue to live like heathens and that our muscles really resemble corned beef. I will never look at brisket the same again, nor will I binge drink more than once a month.

The next morning, my birth morning, we headed to Gurnee for me to face my irrational fear of giant contraptions that throw your bodies against steel bars at 70 mph. I went on four in the following order -- Batman (feet dangle), Superman (face down), Raging Bull (traditional) and Iron Wolf (standing up) -- and only cried once (and that was when Kelley smashed me on a tilt-a-whirl).

What did I learn from confronting my roller coaster phobia? Well, I like the traditional ride with the slow build up and steep plummet better than the gimmicky positioning and violent jerks of the Batman, Iron Wolf variety -- even though all this time I've been most afraid of heights. And I've found that getting up the nerve to keep your eyes open while going upside down is way easier than recovering from going upside down. My neck and back are in knots.

So in review: The biggest risk has the biggest payoff. Going into something with your eyes open doesn't mean it won't hurt. Muscles look like brisket. And, it is time to dry out.